I had always thought that people don’t want to hear from me, honestly. For many years I had a strong insecurity that the people who were nice to me at work didn’t want to hear from me in real life. But you know, I have been pushing myself to tell people how much I really love (loved) working with them, or talking with them, or hearing from them. It’s been really eye opening to me to see how many people just needed that kind word, that verification. ‘I appreciate how quickly you got me that script, and how nicely it works.’ ‘I am so happy to have worked together. You were always so creative with our communications.’ And it makes me happy to just root for them in their work and life. We can have clicks, but we can also choose to just be humans. Honestly, I feel happier now. Like… enjoying the good in others is a whole source of joy just waiting for us.
Julie, that is real. When someone has been let go or they left on their own, I reach out and offer the opportunity to stay connected. I love that you reach out and tell them something good about your working together. It matters more than you realize. Grateful for your joining in the conversation. It means a lot.
I hope you find and build your community. I am almost 71 and never have. I totally understand about being a military child. Your words touched me and they have so much power of truth. Thank You :)
Vicki, thank you for YOUR words. I have realized that community starts with me. You always belong to yourself and I am grateful I have come to truly love myself. It is never too late to find and build community, Vicki. I hope the same for you. ❤️
The "culture of nice" vs. The "culture of kind"....people think kind and nice are synonymous but they are not. Nice is what fuels belonging in office politics, the agreeable good negro that's not like the others. You're so cool, so easy to get along with....you're the pet not a threat.
Kind is what builds community. It forces hard and truthful conversations that result in real change that benefits everyone. Kindness in community is allowing your colleagues strength to help reach the shared goal. However....to those playing politics, now you're a threat to their delusional harmony.
The “agreeable, good negro”…listen. I could speak on that for hours. Could not agree more about nice and kind not being the same thing at all. I have taught my children to be kind, but there ain’t nothing nice about us. 😂 Thank you for joining the conversation. I deeply appreciate it.
I remember you and I being in conversation at one of your jobs. The things you and I were dealing with was a mess. I am so glad we had each other to talk to and keep us sane.
Truly! For us to be going through the same thing in different places is wild. I have often marveled at how much of our lives seem to parallel. Deeply grateful for your friendship.
There is so much goodness and truth in this, and much to unpack. The times I did experience community at work - were magical and life giving. And it requires a community where everyone, or most everyone, is willing to engage in this way. Work is too often a scarcity, zero sum game mentality vs a plentiful mindset. And this bleeds into any community really, not just work. Grateful for places that lead with belonging, like the OLW community.
I had always thought that people don’t want to hear from me, honestly. For many years I had a strong insecurity that the people who were nice to me at work didn’t want to hear from me in real life. But you know, I have been pushing myself to tell people how much I really love (loved) working with them, or talking with them, or hearing from them. It’s been really eye opening to me to see how many people just needed that kind word, that verification. ‘I appreciate how quickly you got me that script, and how nicely it works.’ ‘I am so happy to have worked together. You were always so creative with our communications.’ And it makes me happy to just root for them in their work and life. We can have clicks, but we can also choose to just be humans. Honestly, I feel happier now. Like… enjoying the good in others is a whole source of joy just waiting for us.
Julie, that is real. When someone has been let go or they left on their own, I reach out and offer the opportunity to stay connected. I love that you reach out and tell them something good about your working together. It matters more than you realize. Grateful for your joining in the conversation. It means a lot.
This was beautiful work. Thank you for sharing.
I hope you find and build your community. I am almost 71 and never have. I totally understand about being a military child. Your words touched me and they have so much power of truth. Thank You :)
Vicki, thank you for YOUR words. I have realized that community starts with me. You always belong to yourself and I am grateful I have come to truly love myself. It is never too late to find and build community, Vicki. I hope the same for you. ❤️
The "culture of nice" vs. The "culture of kind"....people think kind and nice are synonymous but they are not. Nice is what fuels belonging in office politics, the agreeable good negro that's not like the others. You're so cool, so easy to get along with....you're the pet not a threat.
Kind is what builds community. It forces hard and truthful conversations that result in real change that benefits everyone. Kindness in community is allowing your colleagues strength to help reach the shared goal. However....to those playing politics, now you're a threat to their delusional harmony.
This article speaks so loudly.
The “agreeable, good negro”…listen. I could speak on that for hours. Could not agree more about nice and kind not being the same thing at all. I have taught my children to be kind, but there ain’t nothing nice about us. 😂 Thank you for joining the conversation. I deeply appreciate it.
This took me back to my agency days! Whew! All the things I wish I knew then, but glad I know now.
I remember you and I being in conversation at one of your jobs. The things you and I were dealing with was a mess. I am so glad we had each other to talk to and keep us sane.
I’m deeply grateful for yours and for how far we’ve come!
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Same! That was nothing but God!
Truly! For us to be going through the same thing in different places is wild. I have often marveled at how much of our lives seem to parallel. Deeply grateful for your friendship.
There is so much goodness and truth in this, and much to unpack. The times I did experience community at work - were magical and life giving. And it requires a community where everyone, or most everyone, is willing to engage in this way. Work is too often a scarcity, zero sum game mentality vs a plentiful mindset. And this bleeds into any community really, not just work. Grateful for places that lead with belonging, like the OLW community.
All of this! Thank you for saying the quiet parts out loud, friend.
I am glad I shared this. It has been a lot to hold in and I know I am not the only one who has felt this way.
I resonate strongly with this and am much more careful of my communities as I get older
Same! I hear you on being careful about your community.